What can parents do to help their children feel accepted and encouraged?
I know some kids that have a disadvantage. Both of their parents are not really that good at parenting but the mom really wants to learn to be a better parent. She just doesn’t know how to make her kids feel more confident and accepted. These kids have felt rejection and seen alot of drama. Thankfully, the mom has moved away from the dad which will help. But now she is on her own with three kids and has alot of trouble teaching the kids. She loves them dearly. What are some easy suggestions that will help? All three kids are under the age of 10.
patience, love, a lot of praise, and take a parenting class get into a support group for single moms
She should tell them every day that she loves them. And give them praise/thanks for things they do right, even little things like eating their meals. It’s important that she points out to them how happy she is when they are behaving well.
First of all, she should be there for her kids and spend time with them. She probably has to work, but when she is not working she should do things with the children- walk in the park, picnic, play games at home, etc.
She should not put her career above her children (and neither should a father). My mother did, and I suffered greatly. She should take the time to listen to her children and if one of them is having trouble in school, with bullies, etc. she should act and not ignore it and pretend it will go away.
Parents should not put other relatives and friends - sister, brother, mother, boyfriend, etc. before their children. My parents did, (drama queen aunt) and I suffered greatly.
As was previously suggested, parenting classes and a support group for single mothers will help.
I was faced with being a single mother with three children (all under ten) after my divorce, also. Your main priority is to make those children feel wanted, needed and accepted. They each had a set of chores to be done on a daily and weekly basis. I told them that if we are going to make good days for us, that we all needed to pitch in and help. I needed them and each chore that they did really helped me a lot. They loved feeling useful and important. On Friday nights, we had our special time together. It was pizza and a movie night for all of us. But before the movie, we each had to tell us all about something that made us feel real good that week. Then if they had anything they were unhappy about, we would talk about that, also, and try to come up with solutions to make things better. A “Family Meeting” was what we called it and they loved it. I tried to make whatever time that was available to us, quality time.
They just have to be the priority, if they are going to get through the turmoil.
Begin by creating a common ground like teaching about truth and God. Have common times where all the family participates and shares truths about being created in the image of God. All people mature spiritually at their own pace.
Teach the importance of self respect and not dwell on the opinion of others. Relate to being a spiritual being and not just the flesh. Seek the truth you need from your own heart and genuine desires for truth and happiness. Share this search with your children and allow them to understand the importance of self respect and self realization.
You can’t go wrong keeping God as the head of your family.
Blessings to you and your family.
A parenting class seems like a good idea, although there are a lot of different approaches out there and she would need to feel comfortable with the methods. If she can hook up with community resources for single moms, that might help her feel more stabilized and supported, which in turn will help her parent better—mom needs to be healthy if she’s going to establish a healthy relationship with her kids.
I know that time for reading is likely pretty scarce for her, but if she can find the opportunity, I’d recommend a few books. Dr. Sears has several that are very inspirational: The Successful Child Book, The Family Nutrition Book (getting everyone healthy goes a long way to being happy), and The Discipline Book. They have a website as well. Also, Barbara Coloroso’s “Kids Are Worth It” and Gordon Neufeldt’s “Hold On to Your Kids” (www.gordonneufeld.com) are considered excellent guides.
Helping mom get centred and understand herself is probably the first step for her to help her children do the same. Perhaps there are community programs the kids could become involved with, to give them some continuity and stability as well, like Scouts or Boys & Girls Clubs?
Another thing she can try, if she’s at a point where she feels comfortable doing it, is talking honestly with the kids, in terms appropriate for their ages, about the difficulties they’ve had and what she wants for them in the future. Kids need to see their parents accept responsibility for their actions, apologize for mistakes, and be open to figuring out solutions with their kids’ input. They’ll feel listened to, respected and more competent about how the family develops, which I believe will improve the long-term chances of having a supportive family relationship.
Best wishes for them all.
I think actively listening means a lot. Not just “uh-huh”ing but really engaging in conversation. Knowing that the mom/dad listens, understands and cares about what they say says volumes.
I also think positive reinforcement is a big one too. Congrats for that “A” in math, or for tying their shoes for the first time, or whatever - it’s a big deal to them, and it means a lot when it’s a big deal to the parent(s) too.